I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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