i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
