We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
