im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
