i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
