dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
