This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
