sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
