what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
