C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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