Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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