I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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