ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
