i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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