dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Randomize
