Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
