he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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