and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
