I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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