I want to have your abortion
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
