And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
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Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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