New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
