stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My cat gives me a boner
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
