Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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