so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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