Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
