Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
