im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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