Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
