People in love make me want to vomit
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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