I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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