someone threw a dead crab at me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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