I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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