6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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