All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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