There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
