he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
