she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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