Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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