yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
