So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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