DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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