Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
