I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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