I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
