she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize