i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
