You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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