I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
