whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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