Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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