Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's never too late to be topless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
