Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
