Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
wow bdsm is so cute
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
