We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
