Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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