Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
