my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize