Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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