Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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