90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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