dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
