this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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