Whod you bang
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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