I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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