Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
