wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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