Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
