I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
