u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
