You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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