i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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