I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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