You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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