dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
