dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
