These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
