My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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