I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
