im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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