I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
