SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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