Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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