My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
