dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
