based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
