If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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