How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
