Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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