Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
