you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
