Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
