Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
