In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
