That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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